Just let me ramble.

I am now twenty two years young. It's been a struggle, but I am coming to accept my flaws. I am forgiving myself for the people Ive hurt, the mistakes Ive made, and the mistakes I have yet to make. I am starting to live. Along the course of this journey I was forced to embark on the moment I took my first breath, I have learned a lot of things. They were lessons that others had to force upon me, lessons I had to force upon myself, but most of all, lessons that I would not ever want to do without. My past has been my greatest teacher.

I live by cliches. I think of myself as a cliche that's hardly ever used. What a paradox. I love the ironies in life. Like many others, I believe everything happens for a reason. Ive discovered that life doesnt always give you second chances. Youve just got to learn what to do with the first one it gives you. I understand that a lot of the jumps I make will cause me to fall. Ive just learned how to pick myself back up successfully and embrace the hurt that may or may not come along with it. Ive also learned that everyone in life is going to hurt me at some point or another. Ive just had to realize who was worth the pain. Ive been hit where it hurts, and I've never actually let go. Ive just learned to put up my walls. It;s not because I want to keep others out, but to see who cared enough to bring them down. At other times, I've just had to run away to see who came after me. So far, this has proven to be successful. The way I see it is that if you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Loving someone takes seeing the worst in them, and caring for them anyways. Nowadays, once I know what I want, I run. I run like hell until I catch it. Most of the time, I wont let go. If I ever really loved or cared about you, chances are that I still do. Ive just learned to live without you. A lot of people say that relationships are about give and take. I cant say I agree. Relationships, regardless of what kind you are in, are about give and give. I think its a shame that people who change FOR love will never know the joys of changing BECAUSE of it. I believe that love truly is worth fighting for. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take risks, if you are not ready to feel the pain, chances are that you're not ready to fall in love... and that's okay. Ive come to understand that everything, regardless of how big or small, has the potential to change a life around. I am now starting to accept change, rather than trying to push it away. I still struggle to live in the moment at times, but I am taking chances. I've danced in the rain before, and other times I've just gotten wet. I am not anything close to the person I dreamed myself up to be when I was a little girl, but despite the mistakes Ive had to make countless times, I believe I am something better. I may not have ended up where I thought I was going, but I ended up where I was meant to be.

I couldnt be happier.

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."
-Jack Kerouac

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Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Youll never see the courage I know
Its colors richness wont appear within your view
Ill never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you

Youll say you understand, but you dont understand
Youll say youd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you cant afford to lie

Youll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
Youll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than Ive ever shown - to you

Youll say, dont fear your dreams, its easier than it seems
Youll say youd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you cant afford to lie

Youll never live the life that I live
Ill never live the life that wakes me in the night
Youll never hear the message I give
Youll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you

Youll say you understand, youll never understand
Ill say Ill never wake up knowing how or why
I dont know what to believe in, you dont know who I am
Youll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and Ill never need a lie

Immortal Technique
Louis Logic
Coldplay
Linkin Park
Pepper
Atmosphere
Swollen Members
Sade
Katchafire
Bob Marley
Sage Francis
Tonedeff
Common
Lupe Fiasco
Lifehouse
Hoobastank
Counting Crows
Matchbox 20
The Early November
The Goo Goo Dolls
Hanson
Christina Aguilera
Slightly Stoopid
Stabbing Westward
The Fujees
Sublime
OneRepublic
The Roots
Talib Kweli
The Cure
Coldplay
The Fray
Incubus
Apathy
Gangstarr
Eminem
Papoose